Saturday, May 8, 2010
Gut wrenching emotion transmuted into peace with tears.finally a decent offer for the building.I don't want to do this anymore but I promised Brittany I would not abandon her with this mess .I knew it would take a year to come to a close but it looks like it will take longer.Please Dear God let this man buy it.I'm so up and down i understand what bi-poler feels like.so tired of it all but afraid to let it go.can someone else do what I do as effectively as me,I doubt it.what is my fixation with being the hero or fixer of this mess. well it's not like anyone else has stepped up to the plate.It has to be done.Why Mike Why? why didn't you ask for help ,why didn't you leave,why did you give up?with the memorial meeting this friday Brittany wants me to give the lead on mine and Mike's life combined. aught to be interesting ,haven't thought of some of those crazy years much till now.I hope I can meet her expectations with what I say.I also hope I don't start balling and then can't compose myself to finish.Fear always at my side to lead me to doubt.My psychic abilities have grown and clarified.with ease I can predict human behavior. My readings are 1 day in the future.Where's the lottery numbers Mike so I can do this full time.It's very interesting where this is taking me.Did my brother sacrifice his life so we could all grow spiritually? I donno ,it's easier to take if I try to believe that sometimes.To my brother Mike Norton: I miss you,I love you and I will keep working with Brittany for you....and anything else you need me to do. Nora Norton
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
why is everything falling apart. life was so steady 1 month ago.were all raw with Mike's death anniversary coming in ten days. Marge has been especially challenged by Brittany's new defiant attitude and life style. good for her,going AWOL ,just like I did after my mom died suddenly.but she has to deal with the fact that the killers stole her dad from her,that it wasn't a natural death,not his time.This new and dangerous boyfriend is so controlling and manipulative she can't see through it. It's gut-wrenching to stand by and watch,powerless to change any of it.Why can't she see through his bullshit lies,doesn't she want to? sometimes we don't we prefer the distraction from our reality.crazy is better than sad and depressed.I agree,but the consequences could be massive.My daughter had one of her psychic dreams that he will physically hurt her. I believe it. He defends his crazy lifestyle even to me on the phone yesterday.God help us .when will my life not suck?let me rephrase that:soon this building will sell,she will come to her senses,and we can all safely get on with our lives!!!!!!!!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Brittany is self-destructing now and there is nothing I can do for her.when my mom died I ran from the pain also.such a sweet smart girl risking everything because of pain. counselling doesn't seem to be helping only enabling.the problem is all the lying we never get to the truth.there is no place to hide when were truthful,but it's more peaceful and you don't have to remember all your bullshit lies.I started yoga exercise and meditation.the stress is more than I can bear so I workout and then hold still for 10 minutes and hope I don't have a nervous breakdown.also her new boyfriend is really scary and creepy and a criminal and a DJ.he is too much trouble for her I hope she wakes up. She totaled her latest car running into the back of a semi-truck. wow not hurt but woah 4th or 5th accident already,girl put down the phone! marge is crumbling under the weight of this task also. she thought she was having a nervous breakdown. where is the help we need,where are my other siblings? why don't they care? please Dear God sell this beast of a building so we all can get out of this mess.by the way, the third gang boy that went into kill mike is not around anymore,i wonder why?1 in jail 2 to go......
We had to cancell the prayer vigil by mike's store because Earthquake is still all over owning that block with his gang.several people told me he was the shooter but with his family police connections it will take american most wanted to break the case.locals sweep it under the rug.the residents are as afraid of the police as they are of the gangs.1 witness was paraded past gang members on the way to drop her off after they tried to manipulate her into changing her testimony. so she went into hiding,she refused the witness protection money because when they relocate you everyone knows where you are she said.this game is getting scary now that i want to live again.please dear God get me out of there,soon.one time when one of the tenants were telling the police that Earthquake killed my brother the next day he was jumped and they broke a vertebrae in his neck and back.how did it get back from the police to the gangs that fast.another tenant was threatened with death by Earthquake if they testified,I called the cops and they had a talk with him.Last I heard they(cops and gangs) are on the same side.the city of chicago is in utter chaos.35 minites it took the police to get to me when I was being threatened by that drunk tenant we evicted.Why 35 minutes,don't they care?
crumbling under the weight of this task. strange new assignments keep popping up. It's been almost a year mike when will this be over.oziz has placed a bid and we accepted,but he has to get a loan.please God get him approved,he has the 25% down payment.my emotions are raw ,my friendships strained to the point of I lost some.feeling very alone and overwhelmed most of the time.some times i wish they would shoot me too so i don't have to feel this pain,hurt and grief.Brittany needs me and so do my kids.so i put 1 foot in front of the other and continue to try and wrap up this mess.found a new renter for bar and upstairs apt.fully rented again.I still send my ex to collect the rent in case they want to kill for money.LOL mike's last income tax is due and i still can't find that credit card payment and make those life insurance assholes pay.soo many cards and accounts.a womans work is never done.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
very emotional weekend,happy easter,i miss spring break already. tough lessons learned. mike guide me in what to do.please send a buyer for the building i can't do this anymore,please God get me out of there.jesus saves,well please save me,help me get finished with this burden and move forward with my life.marge is getting other estimates for structural engineering,restaurant owners insurance does not want 2 pay for fire damage because they say there was another fire before(true) and it wasn't repaired properly,so they want to make our insurance pay for it.will the bullshit ever end.the new store owner ripped up and remodeled store without permits and took building manager sign down which is another building violation.when will the stupidity end.i'm so tired ,I'm so spent,i'm so done,please God get me out of here
Thursday, April 1, 2010
research paper will be on the complexities of murder.what pushes people that far? what mental states justify and rationalize this behavior? why do they almost always deny it? I had a co-worker,Jane Reth, who was extradited to Alaska for her husbands murder 22 years ago.I don't understand how people go that far and are not sorry!ANYHEW stress crash lasted three day,then i felt resurrected into another dimension.....is someone drugging me....I feel peaceful,more peaceful than i've ever felt before. It's very distracting, can't stay focused on anything,but it's good to have a break from that crushing emotional pain and helplessness from Mike's murder.It will be some kind of miracle if I ever get my shit together again......
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Kristen, I'm going with the topic of murder for my research paper. The media thing was a dead end and too confusing for me.There are a lot of sources on that subject matter and also it may help me come to some conclusions myself. Secondly I'm sorry i am so late on all my work...something has changed ,my anger no longer keeps me going. Somehow the wind is gone and I am left in this neutral emotion with absolutely no energy or strife. I am forcing myself to get stuff done again till im back in motion.Thanks for your patience.I handed off all foundation matters to my sister and most management issues to nelson freeing up more time.I'm still crawling through this and trying not to quit on anyone who needs my help. Mike was my hero, brother,God father to my children, mentor and spiritual teacher.He was also the only family member who really helped me unconditionally. he never made you feel bad about your choices and was there to help you pick up the pieces and move forward. I still can't fathom living without my kind and dear brother in my life.I just spent 3 days sleeping with only getting up for an hour or two, some kind of a stress crash. also, my counsler changed my appointment on me this week,not a good time for me to put it off,I guess it can wait till next week nothing is going to change.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
I got a call from dan today he wants me to go to the cook county jail tomorrow and get the whole story about Mikes case. am I ready? are you ever? as he was crying on the phone to me the tears welled up in my eyes as I realized how much dan loved Mike and called him his uncle.We all want resolution so bad to go to such lengths to get it seems insane. But, my intuition already told me I was going and three people I asked all told me to go.Feeling already like hamburger meat so what could it possibly hurt? I'm already a basket case,bundle of raw nerves and so on. I know that if I do not go I will always wonder if I got the truth or if the information could have helped the D A solve the case. as it is it seems really week on one of the assailants.Why me? I ask, who else will listen my intuition says.It (my intuition) has not steered me wrong yet when I listen, but when I guess I'm almost always wrong.How can the sub-conscious be so right and the "rational" conscious mind be mostly incorrect.Brittany is totally against me going but I will go.I must go. Only when I'm in front of a person can i sense if there lying or telling the truth.Mike be there with me and keep me strong and calm...
Sunday, March 14, 2010
10 months ago Mike got killed,now being a victim of violent crime I can know what it does to others. The ups and downs are an extreme I have never before experienced with the emotional turmoil like no other issue. Being plunged back into a world(central Chicago)that I left twenty years ago has been frustrating and disheartening. I don't want to do this anymore. I fight within myself the reasons I am still heading this project and it isn't clear anymore. Even though I am the only family member that can and will complete this task I do wish i had more help. I don't feel safe anymore, and even when I'm threatened it takes police 35 minutes to arrive. God help me finish this task ,sell the building and get on with my life. Please send buyers and fast my resolve is weening. I'm crumbling under the weight and complexity of this task. mistakes are few and far between, I don't expect perfection, but I do want completion. I want out....soon.The last 300 days have been such a challenge. Today I was provided a sign negotiator, thank you baby Jesus,I was out of my mind when i accepted that task. Today I get an estimate from a structural engineer and knowing the condition the foundation is in it's not going to be cheep.I'm currently out of my mind so leave a message.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
What an amazing day,such gifts of trust and friendship I am truly blessed. The pain is at bay and I am functional once more.Fire at the restaurant did more damage than I thought and with the gas co. coming out monday to fix 3 broken valves and the foundation problems I'm feeling trapped. I wish the building would sell but even with 116,000 a year income it won't move for what its worth.the bidders aren't even in the ball park. If I am stuck doing this for some time I want to spread out the work so i'm not so overwhelmed.between the bus work, school work, house work and soon census I can't do it anymore than 1 day a week. Thank God spring break is coming soon.I want this to be over but I can't force the issue so toslow it down seems the only alternative.Happy 20 baby......
Thursday, March 11, 2010
REALLY BAD DAY.fUCKIN' A.Don't want to be hereb ,don't want to be doing this ....feel like crying....don't have time.Suck it up Nora really it's been ten months now,I know the trial is starting soon.....you probably won't be able to be there ...you can't handle any more details ....tooo painful....but ,who will be there for Brittany.He was my favorite brother,he saved my life more than once. also saved me from jail. i really miss him,it really hurts.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
What do I talk about with friends:economy,how to get by,advice on issues,housing crisis,depression,God,hope for a better tomorrow.The thing I hate about the news is it's 90% or more bad news only.When they caught the people charged with my brothers death it was on page 5 and a small article.However ,when he got killed it was front page in papers and 1st on the news for 5 or more nights. Never see updates on stories.Little or no positive stories of hope or helping others.World affairs are over my head. i can't even get a grip on my world much less someone else's.Movies:Ghost movies and comedies and different ones like,Labrinth,boondock saints,constitine,equaliberium,nothin' to lose with martin laurence is one of my favorites.I love a good movie. You completely check out of your life and are in someone else's for 2 hours.So it seems.Pitch black, benny and june and narnia are some others I like.Theres still so many I haven't seen. Television now consists of news and a couple of off beat shows like medium and house and greys anatomy. I only have a converter box so I only get 5 channels even though I have an antenna as big as a car.Fuck You digital converter box and FCC for changing frequencies. probably write my paper on Mike's death the police screw ups and the shitty 911 center and all the fucked up laws that allow squatters to stay and fine you if they're selling drugs.
After evicting the bar guy and hearing about the unsuccessful raid for drugs on the restaurant I know I'm in danger. The restaurant owner would not show up on saturday and explain why the door to the basement had a new lock on it. There is no reason to lock that door unless your hiding something.My nephew danny and I busted it off and also broke off the lock attachments. We already told him not to lock it so the meters can get read as necessary. Now I have to go back sunday a give more eviction papers to a tenant who boyfriend already threatened me.The structural engineer is trying to charge me 700.00 for an estimate on work to be done to the foundation.He says if I don't pay him he'll turn my dangerous building in to the city of chicago violations department.Fucking assholes, do they think I was born yesterday? Lets see how he likes responding to the Attorney General's office.PIG.Well I will now attempt to do my real homework, no promises though.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Why does my life suck? well some people have it worse.Today I spent quality time with my x and the hooker he married. It's probably cheaper that way.Anyhooo,Victor did not show up to have that talk with him. The structural engineer also did not show and I could not get my shit together after working all day cleaning other peoples messes.Why don't I make time for fun.What is the constant distraction. I needed to get paid to bail out my account after paying so many bills.2. I had to get my helper home after paying him(he doesn't drive).I had to get x his money so he can give it to his hooker wife. I am filthy with dust and dirt from that basement and cannot wait to shower. So many spiders, it feels like their all over me.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
crippling fear overwhelms me as I realize my feelings of being inadaquit over powers my ability to move forward. My problem is beyond procrastination. all those years without a computer and without the help I needed to learn. why? I ask myself don't you at least try to get it done. so confused and all my stuff keeps coming up missing. waisting time just looking for lost items ; syllabus, licence,credit cards, paperwork why is it all missing at the same time. I'm not sure what to do so I will attempt 1 assignment even though i'm behind several.I was hoping there were only 3 assignments in english 102,at least thats what i was told.I'm ready to quit so what's stopping me?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
wishin' I was dead today.In that damn create a blog class, (haha), so regardless the class I cannot stop myself from checking out. back to my story. Mike's store finally sold and the new guy is totally rehabbing the place GOOD but without permits BAD I hope he has bribery money on him.The tenant that treatened me last month has not been out of his apt drunk or sober THANK GOD I did not want to have him arrested. We finally got a lawyer on evicting the bar guy, unless he pays his bad debt owed Mike to Brittany he's out.what a relief,he is such an asshole,hiding from us to avoid rent payment,bad checks having gang members in his bar,the same gang that killed Mike. OUT yuo bastard,welching on your debt because he's dead. New buyer looking at it this weekend and re-negotiating the commercial signs. I need some kind of property comparision for sinage to help me. I will try to get something along those lines. Everything else is going pretty well. I'm still trying to get Mike's credit report so we can run all his cards for that damn insurance payment. God help them if I find it. trying to sell those other two buildings at the same time was a stupid idea,I have more than enough work to do ,I j
Friday, January 8, 2010
It's hard to remember where I left off. I don't like to reread my pain, so forward I go.last I remember jackie was trying to embezzle and extort from Brittany's estate. We held a hard line and won. Emily had taken jackie's side and was making things worse after 30 years of friendship to me and mike what a backstabber. She called and apologized a couple of days ago after jackie turned on her. I accepted her amends but fool me twice shame on me. walk away nora it's for the best.Sweet Jesus that asshole is finally gonna buy the store this week jan 14th is the closing. all that work for it to be stalled for 3 months.The 12 unit building finally fully rented.a lot of work credit checks and background checks and paperwork out the ears. I'm going to court the 13th with brittany,my first time in front of the other 2 accused assailants.The shooter got 47 years no parole. I was at counseling winding down my emotions of it all trying to gain some perspective and forward momentum.Work is my oasis,my job is fun and easy. school on the other hand starts again next week and i'm never ready. so much to do not enough time.NEED to renu my CDL licence,apply to nursing program only 2 pre-recs left,dental work to be done and for Brittany find the credit card payment so those bastards at trans america life insurance will pay her,show the building for sale ,evict the non paying tenants,find a lawyer who will take the case against the 911 center for dropping the call resulting in my brothers death.Meanwhile trying to help mr.meers sell his buildings so he can get out of Chicago.oh and the final walk through tomorrow with the buyer for Mike's store.,I better get some sleep!!!!